Spiteful cultists spoil everyone’s nice day out.

I hadn’t intended this blog’s inaugural post to be about cycling, I had in fact simply intended to post a short piece comparing Jacqui Smith MP with a lady’s front bottom, in case anyone had forgotten in all the recent excitement. That would have set the tone quite nicely, I felt.

But it came to pass that while I was conducting my daily work displacement exercise of trawling through Blogs What I Like, my eye was drawn to a post by The Landed Underclass about the sabotage  of a bicycle race (and a race for charidee at that) in Perthshire, Bonnie Scotland.

LU, a chap with whom I regularly find myself in harrumphing agreement seems to share with other chaps (perhaps of a certain age) a particular disdain for any cyclist who chooses to wear modern fabrics –  particularly if they also happen to be brightly coloured fabrics, and the French.  I shall begrudge him neither of these, and he makes several excellent points regarding cyclists in general :

“I have always held in contempt those who use cycling as a kind of social rounders bat with which morally to beat those using other kinds of transport. …[A]nd despised those who dressed up as iced lollies and rode five abreast in the road, in order to annoy car drivers.”

Indeed. I am a keen cyclist, I don’t own a car, and I feel that a useful pre-emptive approach to any future potential energy/climate crises is that anyone who plays ‘greener than thou’ should be rendered for bio-diesel. This having the benefits not only of removing their entire future carbon footprint and silencing their plaintive whining, but of keeping the traffic flowing.  It’s really a win win.

And certainly riding in such a way as to obviously be impeding traffic on purpose is just plain rude.  I’m not sure that either of those is justification for this though :

The Independent reports that the people of Perthshire, having had quite enough of their rural lives being disrupted by competitive, self-advertising modern cyclists, have taken to the application of tin-tacks to selected roads, with what seems to have been a satisfactorily high return on investment.

I must take issue with this. Lets have a look at what some of the good burghers of Perthshire have been telling auntie beeb


“These aren’t the people of Perthshire who are doing this, these are one or two, a group maybe, who have taken extreme action, and it is extreme action and not typical of the friendly welcome that you receive in this part of Scotland.”

“This attack on the Etape Caledonia makes me feel sorry for all the people who have trained for months, in all good faith, to take part – only to have their safety and enjoyment sullied by a spiteful minority who are selfish enough to grudge their community the chance to boost the local economy for the good of all.”

“This disruption has embarrassed myself and anyone who has a conscience. It is ridiculous to think that the closure of a road for just three hours on one day of the year can give these people the right to protest with such callous disregard for the wider aims of the race (ie the support of a very worthwhile charity), not to mention the benefits to the local economy and the reputation of us all.”

So clearly not everyone in Perthshire is a drooling anti cycling saboteur. Not everyone can manage to get their heads round hosting an event once a year, either. Some of the more pointlessly angry and self righteous residents have even staged protests against the horror of the three hour road closure that accompanies the event. For instance :

Paul Bright from Fortingall said: “How refreshing to see that the public has taken direct action to halt an unwanted event forced on them by the local county council.

“Whilst I cannot possibly condone the causing of damage and possible injuries to cyclists I am sure that this was the only avenue of protest left to the people of the Pitlochry/Aberfeldy area who did not wish this race to occur.

I am fucking sure it wasn’t the only avenue of protest left at all. It was a spiteful and cowardly act of violence against the local community, and the cyclists in the race (many from the local community) perpetrated by a mindless idiot without the wherewithal, courage or support to manage any other kind of protest.

It was also enormously self defeating, causing the roads to remain closed for an additional hour. And it was the road closures that were causing people to get so mithered, after all :

“These closures have the effect of isolating whole communities from access to services both mundane and emergency … ”

Which is a pretty pathetic rationalisation. It’s no particular hardship to lack access to “mundane” services for three predictable hours each year, and anyone who really, honestly, believed that the emergency services wouldn’t be able to get through should they deem it necessary would likely be to stupid to breathe without a machine. So there must be something else then. Ah yes :

“… and from the ability to exercise their religious faith by travelling to the local churches.”

That’s right, good ladies and gents of Perthshire, it’s more important that Paul Bright from Fortingall and his fellow bronze age cannibal zombie cultists get to drive to a temple of their supposedly omnipresent deity WITHOUT FAIL than it is for you have a nice afternoon out once a year and boost your economy.

And it’s more important than the physical well being of three and half thousand cyclists.

And it’s more important than raising money to provide nurses to care for people with cancer.

Christianity at it’s best. Wankers.

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