A Short List Of Hateful Things

Normal service will resume shortly, in the meantime here is a short list of hateful things

The very few amongst you who are not, in fact, shiftless, lazy, cak handed fucking half wits need to spend some serious time putting the rest of your cretinous brethren to the sword or driving them into the sea, or whatever is appropriate. I will happily help with corpse disposal.

British Telecom (Wholesale)
After the twelfth phone call to your muppet farm call centre, I do not expect the pimply faced twat advisor who takes my call to say, finally, that it was impossible to test my broadband connection when you said you would because there is a fault on my line. I KNOW THERE IS A FAULT ON MY FUCKING LINE YOU COMPLETE MORON. That is precisely what I wish I want you to fix. That is also exactly what the last muppet told me that there wasn’t.

British Gas(Or whoever you are this week.)
When I discover a surprise gas pipe (a bloody great big surprise, since I have no gas, and have been repeatedly told that I can’t have any) running into my property that is unsupported, uncapped and rusty, I do not expect the fuck monkey of a jobsworth that you send round to check whether it is immediately dangerous to BANG ON IT WITH A FUCKING BIG METAL SPANNER. It is a well known fact about me that my favourite DIY tool is the Yellow Pages, but even I know that is an unutterably stupid thing to do. And no, I can assure you, it will not cost me 400 quid to have it removed. It’s your rusty, dangerous, gas main, not mine. Out by the end of the week or the damages and compensation will be paying for my builders holidays this year.

Sky, BBC, CNN, esp John Simpson and SKY’s Tehran correspondent.
When I have spent the night watching uploaded footage of events unfolding in Tehran, I do not expect to see you useless fucks on my screen the next morning telling me that nothing much has happened, or probably will happen, especially when the air in shot is wreathed with smoke from burning buildings. Knobs.

MPs, still
And particularly those, Anne Widdecombe, who continue to insist that the expenses ‘scandal’ is a ‘distraction’. More on this later.

Brown, as ever
I shall continue to uphold the principles of transparency and openness in government by suppressing the report into a ministers expenses and holdingthe Iraq enquiry in camera. You cowardly, dishonest, shitweasel.

Former speaker Michael Martin
Who else could possibly have brought themselves to continue sullying their office right up to the last possible second by whining like a spiteful little girl. And how dare you try to suggest that you tried to reform the expense system when you have spent the last four years trying to prevent the public from finding out that our representatives are liars and thieves to a man jack.

Builders again.
Useless fuckers.


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