PMQs Transcript : What happened after Cam went to the pub

I know everyone switches off after Cam has finished punching Gordon until he cries, so here’s a round up of what happened afterwards.

Green Plant : Gordon, I love you! Will You Save The World ?
Gordon: Yeah, baby.

Pie Mistress : I love you, I love what you’re doing with children, will you buy me a rabbit ? Tories hate babies!!!!
Gordon : Thanks for eating all the Pies. Yes, we love children, the Tories hate them, and EAT them!

Michael Moor : You fucking pension thief!
Gordon : Fuck off, they get free TV licences and a bus pass.

Random Single Issue Plant : I Love you! Will you do something for 6 people I know ?
Gordon : Thanks for licking me, of course I will.

Peter Bone : Can we have our EU rebate back please ? Tony only gave it up to buy the presidency
Gordon : No, you can fuck off. Europe is great. And after Tony has been prez, it will be my turn, BWAHAHAHAHHA

Dobbin : Will you start a health Nazi program to tell people what to eat please
Gordon : Fuck, yes, of course I will. I love poking my nose in where it doesn’t belong, I’m a socialist !

Ethrington : Haway the lads! HANG THE BANKERS !
Gordon : Yeah! Bastards!

James Posh : How green are you really ?
Gordon (Thumping claw ) : I AM THE GREEN GOD! FEAR ME AS HEAL MOTHER GAIA!

All : Bercow is a tosser!

So, now you know.

Tories in a PR Pickle over Spotify ?

There was a story going around last week about the Conservative party buying up ads on Spotify.

For the uninitiated, Spotify is a streaming internet music service funded by advertising. The user selects a play list or a type of music that they would like to listen to to and hits play. Periodically the user hears some advertising, or they can pay for an ad free service.

Here’s an example of some of the coverage it garnered at the time, mainly from the tech and music media. A story from PC Pro

Tories to campaign on Spotify

The Conservatives are to campaign on Spotify, as the party reaches out to tech-savvy voters.

The ad will feature Tory party chairman, Eric Pickles, lambasting the Government’s handling of the recent economic crisis, and urging listeners to vote Conservative at the next General Election.

It resurfaced again yesterday, this time the coverage was of a somewhat different tone. Here’s auntie beeb :

Tories stop music to woo voters

Conservative chairman Eric Pickles will apologise to music lovers later – as he interrupts their favourite tunes to ask for their vote.

Mr Pickles’ distinctive Yorkshire tones will interrupt music to attack the government over the economy.

Somewhat harsher, I think you’ll agree. Now, instead of ‘buying ads’ Pickles will ‘interrupt music’. Damn you, you Evil Tory fun spoiler !

Some folks have suggested that the article displays the BBC’s bias against the tories. Let’s see what the Times has to say

A 45-second message from the Conservative Party chairman, in which he interrupts listening pleasures to attack Gordon Brown’s ‘reckless spending’, is the latest attempt by politicians to get their messages across to the digital generation.

Hmm, spookily similar. Looks like we have a fine example of cut’n’paste journalism, which means there should be a press release a couple of clicks away. Yup.

The Conservatives are launching a bid to woo young, internet-savvy voters by advertising on digital music service Spotify.

A 45-second message from party chairman Eric Pickles will interrupt listeners’ choice of tracks to criticise Gordon Brown’s “reckless spending”.

Ouchies. Possibly time to sack the PR firm who wrote that. “interrupting” is a much poorer choice of words than “advertising”

Possibly also time to sack whoever came up with the idea in the first place, here’s a sample of Spoitfy users response to hearing repeated ads :

The ‘alcohol-know your limits’ one is so smug it makes me want to punch my monitor. I have to turn the volume down fully, and this is from someone who doesn’t even drink!

Joanathan was such a ****. If he’d hung around longer, I would to have had to construct some sort of effigy of him, then savagely beat him to alleviate my anger whenever an ad came on.

I can’t wait to see how they react to Pickles.

Carter-Ruck take it up the arse from horses

Mammoth elephant’s cock ticklers and occasional media lawyers Carter Ruck, not content with trying to gag the free press would now like to injunct parliament as well.

Carter-Ruck partner Adam Tudor today sent a letter to the Speaker, John Bercow, and also circulated it to every single MP and peer, saying they believed the case was “sub judice”.

If correct, it would mean that, under Westminster rules to prevent clashes between parliament and the courts, a debate planned for next Wednesday could not go ahead.

The Minton Report, which Carter Ruck would prefer you not to be able to read because it describes how their clients, Trafigura, are poisoning thousands of people and killing wildlife on the Ivory Coast, can be found at Wikilieaks (of course) here

I love the smell of breaking crypto in the morning…

… smells like, smells like, er, Red Bull.

Well, I mean it’s not the morning, and to be honest anything that yields so easily to a quick bit of frequency analysis and a cheeky bit of known plain text attacking is hardly fit to describe itself as ‘crypto’.

And it’s actually a supermarket brand generic energy drink.

But it progresses client work, and so here I am beating my geeky little code monkey chest into the void of cyberspace. Well hell, what else are blogs for ?

As we hax0rly types are wont to say, w00t!, pwned! and indeed my personal all time favourite, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA.

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