Oh Sweet Irony

Finding it incredible this afternoon that even as Conservative and Lib Dem MPs (or at least leadership teams) are actually acting like adults and talking about deals and compromise and common ground and all sorts of grown up stuff like that, every time the grass-roots activists and voters appear on TV they act more and more like vicious, petulant, squabbling children.

Cameron, of course, doesn’t need to worry to much about his grass-roots, because their affiliation is broadly tribal and his party structure doesn’t require him to ask, or even care, about their opinions. They’ll still vote Conservative, because they simply can’t imagine doing otherwise.

Clegg doesn’t have quite the same kind of tribal affiliation, but his core support is united behind a banner of “Tories are evil fox rapists”, and in his case, the democratic structure of his party means he does have to ask them. And a goodly number of them are going to be simply appalled that he is even talking to Cameron.

Amusingly, this could lead to the delicious situation whereby Clegg manages to ram PR past the Tories and then experiences epic electoral fail in an election run under it because the beardie weirides will never forgive him for dealing the right. Because thatcher, or progressive, or something.


Tribal Fuckmuppets and the Dearth of Democracy




an inadequate supply; scarcity; lack: There is a dearth of good engineers.

scarcity and dearness of food; famine.

Blue Rinse And Pearls

I live in the North East, although I didn’t always. I grew up in Cheshire. Poles apart you might say. Or even ‘polls’ apart in fact. I didn’t live in the leafy poshtown ‘footballers wives’ bit of Cheshire, but I did go to school there. Indeed I used to live (just) in what is now George Osborne’s constituency and was once that of Neil Hamilton – a man I met on many occasions and who contributed greatly to my image of politics as being a hive of desperate, self interested, sleazy, grasping cunts.

Often along with the gurning fuckmuppet Winterton, he was a fixture at all sorts of fetes, fairs and charity bashes that I attended – my parents being tireless workers for charridee – as well as perpetrating several school visits – the last of which, as I recall, caused a mass exodus of pupils via a window, this being the preferable option to spending time with him.

Hamilton – and indeed Winterton – were the sort of MPs that would – as the saying goes – attend the opening of a bus shelter. They were personally well known to many of their constituents. As a whippersnapper, my impression of them was very much as stated above. Hamilton in particular practically sweats sleaze, and shaking hands with him could make you feel like you needed to take a shower. The less said about Winterton the better, quite frankly.

The point, of course, is that I was by no means alone in feeling this way. You didn’t have to spend much time around Hamilton to realise that he was – as the saying goes – a complete and utter cunt.

And yet the Tatton constituency remained – and remains – resolutely blue. barring the one protest vote for Martin Bell when Hamilton was finally documented in behaving like a desperate, self interested, sleazy, grasping cunt. The interesting thing about that vote, of course, is that Al ‘axe wound’ Campbell convinced the Lib Dems that it would be a huge laugh if both they and Labour withdrew their candidates. Crucially this left the Cheshire set with a candidate they could vote for who – while not a Conservative – was not a Labour or LibDem candidate either.

Manic Miners

Now I live in the North East. In most of the constituencies I spend time in, despite several having predominantly LibDem councils, it is a mystery to most people why the Conservatives or LibDems even bother to field candidates for general (or by-) elections.

I don’t move in such exalted circles any more, and while I have corresponded with my local MP, I have never met him or any of those from neighbouring constituency. That hardly matters, as Labour’s record of the last 13 years speaks volumes about how it regards the loyal reds of the North East. With contempt. This is not something which has gone unnoticed, either. The many mining villages ravaged by the attempts of the trade unions to violently overthrow democracy and install a ginger trot junta (or ‘Thatcher’ as they abbreviate it round here) are still, despite 13 years of a Labour government who you might reasonably have expected to do something about it, shit holes. Characterised by poverty, domestic violence, teenage parents, crime and ignorance.

And yet the North East remains – and is likely to remain – resolutely red.

Tribal Fuckmuppets

The now infamous Mrs Gillian Duffy rather neatly summed up this situation when she described how her Grandfather and Father had been ‘Labour men’. You hear it all the time from nasty smug Labour drones “labour is in my blood”, “my family has voted labour for generations”. These deluded fucktards were indoctrinated with their parent’s voting habits – at the expense of rational thought – from birth. No matter what the Labour party do – illegal wars, taxing the poor, trampling all over the long held tenets of the justice system, conniving at torture, hypocritically ignoring or weasling out of their responsibilities under the very Human Rights that they themselves are so proud of codifying into UK law, breaches of electoral law, candidates arrested for drink driving after piling their car into roundabouts, a minister convicted of driving while on his mobile – they aren’t the Tories and so can never be as bad.

This is not limited to the North East by any means. Nor, in fact, is is it limited to the Labour party. In Cheshire, people bring their kids up Tory. When I lived there the local Young Conservative group was large and active. And stocked out with people whose mummies and daddies were Conservative to the core and had indoctrinated their children to be the same. Most of them were also glassy eyed automatons, devoid of rational thought, repeating the same Tory screeds their parents and local party reps had taught them by wrote. Ad nauseum, in many cases, and in a memorable few, ad punching hard in the face by children who hadn’t been so programmed.

The Now Obligatory BNP Reference

In a remarkably similar way were racist attitudes passed from father to son, many were the playground discussions regarding why some racial group or other should be taunted that started with the phrase “My dad says all [insert racist epithet here] are [insert some kind of slur here, dirty, thieves, whatever]”. It shouldn’t be surprising really, because what all these indoctrinated attitudes amount to is a taught intolerance to some group or other, be it evil tories, ruinous socialists, or thieving gypsies.

This doesn’t account for all the tribal fuckmuppets, some people who fall heavily into this category have picked their team based on pressure from their peers, or just because they needed to pick someone to support and now they must offer unquestioning loyalty. Much in the same way as people choose to support football teams, I suppose.

A Dearth Of Democracy

The problem with this – aside from the fact that crippling your child’s or your own critical faculties in such a manner is butt clenchingly stupid – is that it leads to a situation where a large proportion of the UK electorate, despite being otherwise sensible, intelligent, compassionate and rational people will not go to the polls on Thursday and place their cross in a box based on either substance or style, nor even based on their subscription to a particular ideology , but based on tribal loyalty and an indoctrinated hatred of some other tribe.

By outsourcing some portion of their critical faculties to whatever bunch of conniving shitweasels are sporting the appropriately coloured rosette, the tribal fuckmuppets have, willingly or otherwise, conspired to keep the amount of democracy to an absolute minimum. Every five years, the 25,000 or so voters who aren’t tribal fuckmuppets get to decide which bunch of liars and thieves have the best posters. And that’s it. You can – and I have – get access to your local MP and if s/he is a good constituency MP they might even help to represent your views. Unless they conflict with those of the MPs party of course, in which case you are shit out of luck.

The conniving shitweasels, of course, know this, which is why they don’t want to change it. This is why, despite having 13 years of legislative opportunity, Labour have never reformed the electoral system. This why the Conservatives prefer the first past the post system and have pledged to keep it all costs.

The conniving shitweasels will tell you that we need ‘strong government’, which is politician speak for an administration that can ram whatever shitty legislation it wants down the country’s throat because no one can stop them. You might canvass your MP against such legislation, but it won’t matter because their party will whip them until they toe the line.

The conniving shitweasels fear a hung parliament or a slim majority because they do not like democracy at all. They know best, and they mean to have their way. Democracy would actively prevent this, because they’d have to get consent from others. This would mean reaching a consensus, like proper grown ups, and reaching a consensus is nowhere near as much fun as wielding power.

This Is All Your Fault

If you are one of those tribal fuckmuppets, if you have always voted the same way, if you have unquestioningly pledged your loyalty to one bunch of conniving shitweasels, if you do it because your dad did it, or your gran, if you are Labour for Life, or Tory forever, or a tedious tubthumper for any other party here is a message for you.

You are the enemy of democracy. Grow the fuck up. It is because of you that we are ruled, not served. It is because of you that we are subjects, not citizens. It is because of you that we have no referenda, the conniving shitweasels know they can count on your support whatever they do, so they don’t need to ask the rest of us.

It is because of you that there has been no electoral reform, it is because of you that the party system and the whip system still exist, because your unquestioning loyalty to a shower of bastards has allowed it to be so.

In the immortal words of Paul Wicker “May the lord have mercy on your souls, you ignorant snivelling fuckpigs.” Because whatever is about to happen, and it is likely to be unremittingly unpleasant, it is your fault.

#CleggFail : 70 Days To Save Democracy

Nick Clegg is clearly very confused this week, calling for the Queen’s speech to be

cancelled in favour of an emergency programme of reform.

Wow, well that sounds great, reform is good, yeah ? Problem is that poor Cleggy trips over his own arguments

there are just 70 sitting days left before it is dissolved for the general election, too little time to debate and approve the Government’s latest legislative shopping list. The current average time taken for laws to make it from first reading to royal assent is 240 days.

So if we need 240 days just to get through a bog standard piece of legislation, how the blue fuck does he expect to get through a complete programme of parliamentary reform in just 70 days ?

After the expenses scandal, this Parliament has destroyed its own legitimacy. Not in living memory has confidence in politicians, trust in the system, or faith in the Government’s capacity to change things been as low as it is today. People are no longer willing to respect the will of this failed Parliament.

Well, quite Nick. So what makes you think that this parliament, even assuming it could get its act together to agree a set of reforms and have a proper, democratic, referendum within just 70 days, would have any legitimacy whatsoever in doing so?

This rump Parliament, brought to its knees by scandal, has one final chance left to redeem itself.

‘Fraid not Nick, this particular parliament is completely irredeemable, the one gift it could really give its successor with any legitimacy whatsoever is an early general election. And that is not within your gift, either.

We hear a lot of talk about Labour trying to replace their leader, perhaps it is time for the Lib Dems to do the same, there is an election coming up, you know.

Tories in a PR Pickle over Spotify ?

There was a story going around last week about the Conservative party buying up ads on Spotify.

For the uninitiated, Spotify is a streaming internet music service funded by advertising. The user selects a play list or a type of music that they would like to listen to to and hits play. Periodically the user hears some advertising, or they can pay for an ad free service.

Here’s an example of some of the coverage it garnered at the time, mainly from the tech and music media. A story from PC Pro

Tories to campaign on Spotify

The Conservatives are to campaign on Spotify, as the party reaches out to tech-savvy voters.

The ad will feature Tory party chairman, Eric Pickles, lambasting the Government’s handling of the recent economic crisis, and urging listeners to vote Conservative at the next General Election.

It resurfaced again yesterday, this time the coverage was of a somewhat different tone. Here’s auntie beeb :

Tories stop music to woo voters

Conservative chairman Eric Pickles will apologise to music lovers later – as he interrupts their favourite tunes to ask for their vote.

Mr Pickles’ distinctive Yorkshire tones will interrupt music to attack the government over the economy.

Somewhat harsher, I think you’ll agree. Now, instead of ‘buying ads’ Pickles will ‘interrupt music’. Damn you, you Evil Tory fun spoiler !

Some folks have suggested that the article displays the BBC’s bias against the tories. Let’s see what the Times has to say

A 45-second message from the Conservative Party chairman, in which he interrupts listening pleasures to attack Gordon Brown’s ‘reckless spending’, is the latest attempt by politicians to get their messages across to the digital generation.

Hmm, spookily similar. Looks like we have a fine example of cut’n’paste journalism, which means there should be a press release a couple of clicks away. Yup.

The Conservatives are launching a bid to woo young, internet-savvy voters by advertising on digital music service Spotify.

A 45-second message from party chairman Eric Pickles will interrupt listeners’ choice of tracks to criticise Gordon Brown’s “reckless spending”.

Ouchies. Possibly time to sack the PR firm who wrote that. “interrupting” is a much poorer choice of words than “advertising”

Possibly also time to sack whoever came up with the idea in the first place, here’s a sample of Spoitfy users response to hearing repeated ads :

The ‘alcohol-know your limits’ one is so smug it makes me want to punch my monitor. I have to turn the volume down fully, and this is from someone who doesn’t even drink!

Joanathan was such a ****. If he’d hung around longer, I would to have had to construct some sort of effigy of him, then savagely beat him to alleviate my anger whenever an ad came on.

I can’t wait to see how they react to Pickles.

Earth Calling Labour : Just bugger off before you break something important

As the fat controller prepares to deliver his much trailed ideas about electoral reform, not that I can recall anyone asking him for any, I have simply this to say.

Go. Go now. Do not fiddle with anything before you go. We do not trust you. We do not trust the opposition. We want a general election. If we ever end up with a house that we feel that we can trust then let’s have this discussion, which we haven’t asked for, with them, then let’s have a referendum.

We do not want you to reform the electoral system, you will only corrupt it. We do not want you to reform the MPs expense system for the same reason. Simply publish the claims in full, that is all that is necessary. There is no need for an independent body to regulate MPs. MPs should be capable of regulating themselves. If they can not be trusted to do this, as you can not, then we need new MPs not a new system.

Please just bugger off now before you break something important that can’t easily be fixed. You have already destroyed your party, please don’t piss in the country’s chips on your way out.

Labour : Democracy ? Pah!

Labour have suffered their worst electoral defeat in more than 60 years, they have lost ground to their pet bogeyman the BNP been beaten into the ground by a parties they have labelled “fringe” Or “extremist”. They are in open revolt against their most unpopular leader ever.

There has been some chatter on auntie beeb’s rolling news channel this afternoon about whether the backbench rebels have the strength to topple their leader. It’s not about strength though, Brown has to be the weakest PM in living memory, he would fall to a weak shove, it’s about weather they have the balls to stand up to him and the stomach to deal with the consequences.

More even than that, it is about their attitude to democracy and the electorate. There is no doubt, now, that Labour will no longer be the party of government after the next election. Even before the EU results the BBC’s Nick Brown – who is trying very hard to remain a creepy little bootlick – was moved to reveal that cabinet ministers’ were privately telling him that the choice they had to make was one between a long slow lingering death if Brown stays or an instant death if he goes and a general election is called.

Baron von Fey is currently doing the rounds promoting exactly this line as a reason for keeping the walking corpse at the head of the party machine in place.

It might even work, and if it does it will represent the most damning indictment of the Labour party we’ve seen so far, and it’s a field of very strong contenders. For the message that is sent to the electorate if craven New Labour decides to stick it out for another year is simply this : “We don’t give a rat’s ass what you think.”

If, knowing full well that they would lose an election, they shy away from it, they demonstrate once again that their contempt for us – and for democracy – is total. Their continuing cries of “for the good of the country” ring extraordinarily hollow when the country thinks what’s best for it is for Labour to pack up and go.

The numbers are very clear. Labour have been polling at around 18%, last night they took a meagre 15.7% of the vote, more than 60% of the public want a general election now. The Brownites can not be ignorant of this so we must draw the conclusion that they simply don’t care. Hardly a surprise to long time spectators of this gruesome socialist carnival it’s true.

But the problem for Labour now is that it simply can’t rely on the oft talked about voter apathy and political disengagement any more. The sleeping lion that is the British electorate has woken to find 646 grasping hands in its threadbare pockets, and roused from its long slumber it is seriously pissed off. We are used, these days, to getting our democracy in a fairly direct and instant manner . We decide things – who goes next, who’s got talent, who stays in the jungle – in mere hours with a simple text message. The public will not be satisfied with waiting a whole year to vote off their least favourite politicians.

The days to come will be revealing. Whether or not Labour decide to remove their accursed monocular helmsman matters little. The only thing that will leave them with even a shred of honour or dignity is to call a general election as soon as possible. To continue without when they have no mandate, when they have a party in open revolt and a weakened leader with a cabinet full of sloppy seconds will cause irreparable damage to the party. If Labour’s MPs truly love the party as much as they claim to in their resignation letters, they will go to the country. If they carry on, we can only assume that Boris Johnson’s rather unkind suggestion that what they really love more than anything, more than their country which they claim they serve, more than their party which they claim they owe everything, is their salaries, exes and bennies.

The lights are going on, all over Europe


Millions of tiny lights which are the cartoon bulbs of realisation popping on all over the continent as volk everywhere come to the conclusion : “socialism is bad for your health”.

Hope springs eternal.

%d bloggers like this: