Human beings NOT classified by the EU as ‘biological economic devices’

FFS

I rarely click on Ian Parker Joseph’s twitter links, he is after all the main reason I felt I couldn’t join the UKLP. He does a great job of illustrating why it’s good that he is no longer the leader today.

This was his tweet :

An idiot, earlier

Good god! Could that be true ? That would be dynamite. Worth a click for once.

Idiotarians

Well no, of course, it isn’t true at all. It’s not even hyperbole, it’s just bullshit. Pure and simple. I can’t be arsed to fisk Ian’s godawful post in its entirety, so lets just pull out the relevant parts. Ian says :

Over the past week, as the result of being passed some high level academic reports in the field of technology and ICT reasearch, I have been doing my homework, researching the claims made in the documents, and looking for corroborating EU documentation.

OMG! So far so shadowy. He was passed some “high level academic reports”, bloody hell! No. He wasn’t. The report that he refers to is in fact on line here which of course just adds to the hilarity when Ian promises to email anyone a copy, and subsequently ‘makes it available’ in a download. How fucking generous of him.

For whatever reason he decides that he doesn’t want you to know that this is a freely available document. Presumably he feels it adds to his mystique. To everyone else, not linking to source is just plain fucking rude.

Citation needed

Enter one Ian Dent, allegedly of Cambridge University, although if that’s true they seriously need to sack the fucker. Ian is quoting from the linked document “Beyond Broadband – The True Cost Of Digital Britain” by the aforesaid Dent.

Here is the money quote from Dent’s ‘report ‘(his emphasis)

In computing terms (where the concept originated), an ‘attribute’ can be defined as: ‘a specification that defines a property of an object, element, or file . . ‘ An ‘object’ in this [computing] context can be defined as: a collection of co-operating objects . . . capable of receiving messages, processing data and sending messages to other objects and can be viewed as an independent ‘machine’ with a distinct role or responsibility . .
This is how each person will become defined within Grid profiling – as an object – a ‘Biological Economic Device’.

Wow, Just Fucking Wow

So Dent here goes from a straightforward definition of a computer science term (a definition which, incidentally, he hasn’t referenced) to suggesting that a phrase he has just made up based on it is how we will all become defined by the EU.

No.

I would recommend against reading Dent’s eleven pages of poorly referenced and clearly delusional word salad, – which contains more than the average Daily Mail’s worth of ‘scare quotes’ – in it’s entirety. It will probably actually make you stupider. But this is just stupid. And for someone who is supposedly a Cambridge academic it is practically unforgivable. No citation, no reference. Not true.

Ian, however is prepared to report this as though it were some kind of hard, verifiable fact, rather than just some paranoid phrase that Dent coins on page 17 of his ridiculous screed.

Since Dent doesn’t cite any document that supports his delusion, perhaps the redoubtable IanPJ can help us out, since he states

(documents are there.. if you can find them)

Wow! Links to them ? No.

Seriously people, do better

I have no love for the EU, it’s a crawling horror of a bureaucracy, largely unelected and almost completely unaccountable, but for fuck’s sake people, shout them down for real things that they actually do, rather than just making shit up.

Sad fucks.

Keep Calm and Carry On

So Gordon Brown is to step down if the Lib/Con talks break down and allow a new leader to form a Lib/Lab coalition.

It has also been announced that the LIberal Democrats will hold formal talks with the Labour party.

And you’d think, from watching the hysterical newsies on BBC and SKY, and even more so from watching the hysterical party activists on twitter that the sky had fallen.

Tory activists on twitter, and retards on the news, ably aided by spinning Labour types who have suddenly emerged from the gaping silence to fill the airwaves with fear, uncertainty and doubt, think Clegg has betrayed the Conservatives and is now going off with Brown (or rather his successor) in order to form a coalition of losers.

At the same time, Labour sprogs, while wiping the – absurdly – apparently genuine tears from their eyes at the demise of their Great Leader are trumpeting that this means the formation of the much vaunted ‘rainbow coalition’.

All of this, is, of course bollocks.

The biggest clue to this is that all of a sudden, arch cunts like Alistair Campbell are suddenly on TV.

What is happening now is very simple. The Liberal Democrats have negotiated an offer with the Conservatives. They hold the balance of power. Now, Clegg has to go to Brown and tell him what that offer is, and say to him “So Gordon, this is what Dave has offered me, what about you ?”

That is all. So Keep Calm, and Cary On. Nothing untoward is afoot, whatever the sleep deprived, excitable, newsies and the labour bullshit wranglers are trying to tell you.

Oh Sweet Irony

Finding it incredible this afternoon that even as Conservative and Lib Dem MPs (or at least leadership teams) are actually acting like adults and talking about deals and compromise and common ground and all sorts of grown up stuff like that, every time the grass-roots activists and voters appear on TV they act more and more like vicious, petulant, squabbling children.

Cameron, of course, doesn’t need to worry to much about his grass-roots, because their affiliation is broadly tribal and his party structure doesn’t require him to ask, or even care, about their opinions. They’ll still vote Conservative, because they simply can’t imagine doing otherwise.

Clegg doesn’t have quite the same kind of tribal affiliation, but his core support is united behind a banner of “Tories are evil fox rapists”, and in his case, the democratic structure of his party means he does have to ask them. And a goodly number of them are going to be simply appalled that he is even talking to Cameron.

Amusingly, this could lead to the delicious situation whereby Clegg manages to ram PR past the Tories and then experiences epic electoral fail in an election run under it because the beardie weirides will never forgive him for dealing the right. Because thatcher, or progressive, or something.

Equality And Fairness For All, Well Nearly All, Well …

A future fair for all! Is the breathless and rather pathetic rallying cry from the labour drones. Repeated ad nauseum by their army of tediously unoriginal twitterers,

Unless you’re rich, obviously. Or went to Eton. Or you’re a Tory. Or you worry about immigration. Or you were once called Gideon. Or you’re Gillian Duffy. Or you support the universal right to free speech even if it’s extended to the BNP. Or you are the BNP. Or you’re a banker. Or you’re Simon Cowell. Or you read the Daily Mail. Or you’re a climate change ‘denier’.

But other than that … well, look, it’s the thought that counts.

Fucktards.

And as if by magic …

In my previous post I ranted on incoherently and at length about the Tribal Fuckmuppetry involved in British politics, which demands loyalty to the party and nothing else, to the exclusion of other things like rational thought.

And then, as if by magic, I came across a perfect example in the form of everyone’s favourite tory media whore and prima facie tribal fuckmuppet Iain Dale’s comment on the hillarious spectacle of a Labour PPC calling Brown “The worst prime minister ever” which received quite wide coverage this morning.

Naturally, Iain agrees that Brown is a fucking disaster as PM, but then he goes on to rather neatly illustrate my point about tribal fuckmuppets and their effect on democracy like this

Sood has blasted the Labour leader and surely now faces suspension, even though he has spokenn the truth. What I don’t understand is that if he really thinks this, why did he ever stand as a Labour candidate

It hasn’t occurred to Iain that the chap could be loyal to the ideology that the Labour party was founded to represent and finds that Brown is not, as many Labour voters have also noticed. It hasn’t occurred to him that perhaps not everyone in the Labour party agrees with Gordon on everything, which is a curious oversight, because Iain likes to write about division in the Labour party.

No, at the sight of open division in the ranks, Dale’s first instinct is that the man should be suspended and he should never have joined Labour if he disagreed with the Great Leader.

And Iain Dale is a Tory tribal fuckmuppet.

NB that as I say, Iain is aware, and writes about, divisions in all of the parties, so either his “obey the tribe” instinct kicked in very strongly and overrode his rational thought processes, or it’s OK to have bitter divisions as long as they’re behind closed doors where the plebs won’t see them, and only the tribal elders, Iains blog, the Daily Mail and the Telegraph are aware of them.

Either way, I rest my case, and I fucking weep, really I do.

Tribal Fuckmuppets and the Dearth of Democracy

Dearth

–noun

1.

an inadequate supply; scarcity; lack: There is a dearth of good engineers.

2.

scarcity and dearness of food; famine.

Blue Rinse And Pearls

I live in the North East, although I didn’t always. I grew up in Cheshire. Poles apart you might say. Or even ‘polls’ apart in fact. I didn’t live in the leafy poshtown ‘footballers wives’ bit of Cheshire, but I did go to school there. Indeed I used to live (just) in what is now George Osborne’s constituency and was once that of Neil Hamilton – a man I met on many occasions and who contributed greatly to my image of politics as being a hive of desperate, self interested, sleazy, grasping cunts.

Often along with the gurning fuckmuppet Winterton, he was a fixture at all sorts of fetes, fairs and charity bashes that I attended – my parents being tireless workers for charridee – as well as perpetrating several school visits – the last of which, as I recall, caused a mass exodus of pupils via a window, this being the preferable option to spending time with him.

Hamilton – and indeed Winterton – were the sort of MPs that would – as the saying goes – attend the opening of a bus shelter. They were personally well known to many of their constituents. As a whippersnapper, my impression of them was very much as stated above. Hamilton in particular practically sweats sleaze, and shaking hands with him could make you feel like you needed to take a shower. The less said about Winterton the better, quite frankly.

The point, of course, is that I was by no means alone in feeling this way. You didn’t have to spend much time around Hamilton to realise that he was – as the saying goes – a complete and utter cunt.

And yet the Tatton constituency remained – and remains – resolutely blue. barring the one protest vote for Martin Bell when Hamilton was finally documented in behaving like a desperate, self interested, sleazy, grasping cunt. The interesting thing about that vote, of course, is that Al ‘axe wound’ Campbell convinced the Lib Dems that it would be a huge laugh if both they and Labour withdrew their candidates. Crucially this left the Cheshire set with a candidate they could vote for who – while not a Conservative – was not a Labour or LibDem candidate either.

Manic Miners

Now I live in the North East. In most of the constituencies I spend time in, despite several having predominantly LibDem councils, it is a mystery to most people why the Conservatives or LibDems even bother to field candidates for general (or by-) elections.

I don’t move in such exalted circles any more, and while I have corresponded with my local MP, I have never met him or any of those from neighbouring constituency. That hardly matters, as Labour’s record of the last 13 years speaks volumes about how it regards the loyal reds of the North East. With contempt. This is not something which has gone unnoticed, either. The many mining villages ravaged by the attempts of the trade unions to violently overthrow democracy and install a ginger trot junta (or ‘Thatcher’ as they abbreviate it round here) are still, despite 13 years of a Labour government who you might reasonably have expected to do something about it, shit holes. Characterised by poverty, domestic violence, teenage parents, crime and ignorance.

And yet the North East remains – and is likely to remain – resolutely red.

Tribal Fuckmuppets

The now infamous Mrs Gillian Duffy rather neatly summed up this situation when she described how her Grandfather and Father had been ‘Labour men’. You hear it all the time from nasty smug Labour drones “labour is in my blood”, “my family has voted labour for generations”. These deluded fucktards were indoctrinated with their parent’s voting habits – at the expense of rational thought – from birth. No matter what the Labour party do – illegal wars, taxing the poor, trampling all over the long held tenets of the justice system, conniving at torture, hypocritically ignoring or weasling out of their responsibilities under the very Human Rights that they themselves are so proud of codifying into UK law, breaches of electoral law, candidates arrested for drink driving after piling their car into roundabouts, a minister convicted of driving while on his mobile – they aren’t the Tories and so can never be as bad.

This is not limited to the North East by any means. Nor, in fact, is is it limited to the Labour party. In Cheshire, people bring their kids up Tory. When I lived there the local Young Conservative group was large and active. And stocked out with people whose mummies and daddies were Conservative to the core and had indoctrinated their children to be the same. Most of them were also glassy eyed automatons, devoid of rational thought, repeating the same Tory screeds their parents and local party reps had taught them by wrote. Ad nauseum, in many cases, and in a memorable few, ad punching hard in the face by children who hadn’t been so programmed.

The Now Obligatory BNP Reference

In a remarkably similar way were racist attitudes passed from father to son, many were the playground discussions regarding why some racial group or other should be taunted that started with the phrase “My dad says all [insert racist epithet here] are [insert some kind of slur here, dirty, thieves, whatever]”. It shouldn’t be surprising really, because what all these indoctrinated attitudes amount to is a taught intolerance to some group or other, be it evil tories, ruinous socialists, or thieving gypsies.

This doesn’t account for all the tribal fuckmuppets, some people who fall heavily into this category have picked their team based on pressure from their peers, or just because they needed to pick someone to support and now they must offer unquestioning loyalty. Much in the same way as people choose to support football teams, I suppose.

A Dearth Of Democracy

The problem with this – aside from the fact that crippling your child’s or your own critical faculties in such a manner is butt clenchingly stupid – is that it leads to a situation where a large proportion of the UK electorate, despite being otherwise sensible, intelligent, compassionate and rational people will not go to the polls on Thursday and place their cross in a box based on either substance or style, nor even based on their subscription to a particular ideology , but based on tribal loyalty and an indoctrinated hatred of some other tribe.

By outsourcing some portion of their critical faculties to whatever bunch of conniving shitweasels are sporting the appropriately coloured rosette, the tribal fuckmuppets have, willingly or otherwise, conspired to keep the amount of democracy to an absolute minimum. Every five years, the 25,000 or so voters who aren’t tribal fuckmuppets get to decide which bunch of liars and thieves have the best posters. And that’s it. You can – and I have – get access to your local MP and if s/he is a good constituency MP they might even help to represent your views. Unless they conflict with those of the MPs party of course, in which case you are shit out of luck.

The conniving shitweasels, of course, know this, which is why they don’t want to change it. This is why, despite having 13 years of legislative opportunity, Labour have never reformed the electoral system. This why the Conservatives prefer the first past the post system and have pledged to keep it all costs.

The conniving shitweasels will tell you that we need ‘strong government’, which is politician speak for an administration that can ram whatever shitty legislation it wants down the country’s throat because no one can stop them. You might canvass your MP against such legislation, but it won’t matter because their party will whip them until they toe the line.

The conniving shitweasels fear a hung parliament or a slim majority because they do not like democracy at all. They know best, and they mean to have their way. Democracy would actively prevent this, because they’d have to get consent from others. This would mean reaching a consensus, like proper grown ups, and reaching a consensus is nowhere near as much fun as wielding power.

This Is All Your Fault

If you are one of those tribal fuckmuppets, if you have always voted the same way, if you have unquestioningly pledged your loyalty to one bunch of conniving shitweasels, if you do it because your dad did it, or your gran, if you are Labour for Life, or Tory forever, or a tedious tubthumper for any other party here is a message for you.

You are the enemy of democracy. Grow the fuck up. It is because of you that we are ruled, not served. It is because of you that we are subjects, not citizens. It is because of you that we have no referenda, the conniving shitweasels know they can count on your support whatever they do, so they don’t need to ask the rest of us.

It is because of you that there has been no electoral reform, it is because of you that the party system and the whip system still exist, because your unquestioning loyalty to a shower of bastards has allowed it to be so.

In the immortal words of Paul Wicker “May the lord have mercy on your souls, you ignorant snivelling fuckpigs.” Because whatever is about to happen, and it is likely to be unremittingly unpleasant, it is your fault.

@campbellclaret on Brown’s substance abuse

Via Mr Euginedes, Alastair Campbell posted this message to his blog this morning :

In the so called spin room afterwards, all sides were claiming victory for their man, which I accept is a bit tedious. But I really did and do believe GB was head and shoulders above the other two on substance.

Maximum puke, as usual from the borg overseers. But yeah, Brown must have been high on some pretty good shit if he thought he was doing well.

Presumably the same substance that @campbellclaret is abusing. With some regularity if I’m any judge since only a complete asshat would genuinely believe that GB was anything other than his usual clunking fisted train wreck.

And also because he describes himself as a “Communicator”, but his god-awful blog looks like an angry fruit salad. With a rash. I mean fucking hell Alastair, my eyes were bleeding just looking at it, and I’m half blind.

#CleggFail : 70 Days To Save Democracy

Nick Clegg is clearly very confused this week, calling for the Queen’s speech to be

cancelled in favour of an emergency programme of reform.

Wow, well that sounds great, reform is good, yeah ? Problem is that poor Cleggy trips over his own arguments

there are just 70 sitting days left before it is dissolved for the general election, too little time to debate and approve the Government’s latest legislative shopping list. The current average time taken for laws to make it from first reading to royal assent is 240 days.

So if we need 240 days just to get through a bog standard piece of legislation, how the blue fuck does he expect to get through a complete programme of parliamentary reform in just 70 days ?

After the expenses scandal, this Parliament has destroyed its own legitimacy. Not in living memory has confidence in politicians, trust in the system, or faith in the Government’s capacity to change things been as low as it is today. People are no longer willing to respect the will of this failed Parliament.

Well, quite Nick. So what makes you think that this parliament, even assuming it could get its act together to agree a set of reforms and have a proper, democratic, referendum within just 70 days, would have any legitimacy whatsoever in doing so?

This rump Parliament, brought to its knees by scandal, has one final chance left to redeem itself.

‘Fraid not Nick, this particular parliament is completely irredeemable, the one gift it could really give its successor with any legitimacy whatsoever is an early general election. And that is not within your gift, either.

We hear a lot of talk about Labour trying to replace their leader, perhaps it is time for the Lib Dems to do the same, there is an election coming up, you know.

PMQs Transcript : What happened after Cam went to the pub

I know everyone switches off after Cam has finished punching Gordon until he cries, so here’s a round up of what happened afterwards.

Green Plant : Gordon, I love you! Will You Save The World ?
Gordon: Yeah, baby.

Pie Mistress : I love you, I love what you’re doing with children, will you buy me a rabbit ? Tories hate babies!!!!
Gordon : Thanks for eating all the Pies. Yes, we love children, the Tories hate them, and EAT them!

Michael Moor : You fucking pension thief!
Gordon : Fuck off, they get free TV licences and a bus pass.

Random Single Issue Plant : I Love you! Will you do something for 6 people I know ?
Gordon : Thanks for licking me, of course I will.

Peter Bone : Can we have our EU rebate back please ? Tony only gave it up to buy the presidency
Gordon : No, you can fuck off. Europe is great. And after Tony has been prez, it will be my turn, BWAHAHAHAHHA

Dobbin : Will you start a health Nazi program to tell people what to eat please
Gordon : Fuck, yes, of course I will. I love poking my nose in where it doesn’t belong, I’m a socialist !

Ethrington : Haway the lads! HANG THE BANKERS !
Gordon : Yeah! Bastards!

James Posh : How green are you really ?
Gordon (Thumping claw ) : I AM THE GREEN GOD! FEAR ME AS HEAL MOTHER GAIA!

All : Bercow is a tosser!

So, now you know.

Daily Mail : You can DIE of GAY!

Writing in the Daily Mail (who else would publish such utter shite ?) about the death of Boyzone band member Stephen Gately, retarded big hair harpie Jan Moir suggests that you can actually die of gay.

All the official reports point to a natural death, with no suspicious circumstances

Oh, OK, no problem then ? No, hang on

But, hang on a minute. Something is terribly wrong with the way this incident has been shaped and spun into nothing more than an unfortunate mishap on a holiday weekend, like a broken teacup in the rented cottage.

Oh, OK, so there’s more to the story ? Some suggestion that the autopsy was wrong, or that there was a cover up ?

A post-mortem revealed Stephen died from acute pulmonary oedema, a build-up of fluid on his lungs.

Gately’s family have always maintained that drugs were not involved in the singer’s death, but it has just been revealed that he at least smoked cannabis on the night he died.

Nevertheless, his mother is still insisting that her son died from a previously undetected heart condition that has plagued the family.

Well, I hate to tell you Jan dear, but despite what the Daily Mail might publish, I can confirm that smoking cannabis does not make your lungs fill with fluid, but OK, take your point, maybe the boy liked a toke, so the fuck what ? And it seems that there is a congenital heart condition in his family that could easily be to blame, so you’ve had your spiteful and ignorant little Daily Mail “drugs are bad, m’kay?” poke, and we can all move on, yeah ?

No ?

Another real sadness about Gately’s death is that it strikes another blow to the happy-ever-after myth of civil partnerships.

What. The. Fuck ??? Jan, did you just suggest that he died of gay marriage ? Did you ?

Yet the recent death of Kevin McGee, the former husband of Little Britain star Matt Lucas, and now the dubious events of Gately’s last night raise troubling questions about what happened.

Do you know, I rather think you did yes. In fact you have just managed to suggest, well, actually I think the term is insinuate that civil partnerships are basically fatal. Working from a sample of two people.

For. Fucks. Sake, you bigoted, ignorant bint.